I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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