No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have aggressive nipples.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
