She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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