where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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