It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
