the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You pole danced in your parka.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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