If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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