i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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