hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
