My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
