i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
