woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
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Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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