My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
