Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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