Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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