No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
