I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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