I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
