There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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