Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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