She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
is wine microwaveable?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
