I just cut my nipple shaving
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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