she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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