Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
