i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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