IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
