Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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