So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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