I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
