A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i believe in u and ur pee
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
