My nipple is on Facebook.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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