I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
