im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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