What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
