i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
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Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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