Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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