So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
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Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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