wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
