I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
