3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
