I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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