i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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