loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
