the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
