WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
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There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
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Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.