i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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