And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
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Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
God has nothing to do with this.