Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard