I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.