haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
