I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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