She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We had to coat check the pizza.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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