the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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