why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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