I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
