Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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