i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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