Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
