i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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