I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
