Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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