i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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