She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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