The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize