Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
