eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
