I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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