Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
