I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
