I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
