WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
third nipple confirmed
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
