if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize