when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
