I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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