Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
