Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
