I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
